Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar
Nobody is happier for Aliko Dangote than his main man, the effervescent Femi Otedola. In case you have been living under a rock, Alhaji as he is fondly called, has just started delivering PMS from his huge refinery. Roll back a few months and you will find the authorities calling him names, throwing all sorts of challenges on his way, including an embarrassing allegation on the quality of the product.
Today, the man has rolled out fuel and this is historic. That is why and fittingly so, his paddy now turns into a hype man and pens one of the sweetest letters that I have seen under the circumstances.
In the letter, he congratulated him, reminded him of the tribulations he had to go through, hailed him for what he had done in other areas and also thanked God for giving him the foresight and courage to pull this through. Lastly, he reaffirmed his loyalty and friendship.
As I read the letter, I got misty-eyed and began to see Mr. Otedola with a mike, bandana on his head, huge chains on his neck, big rings like the one Charly Boy used to wear, no shirt on and tattoos all over his body, and belting out rhymes. Aliko, on the other hand, is doing funky mallam on stage, and prancing up and down with no shirt too, holding a big flag that displays DANGOTE REFINERY, and Nigerians, making up the full crowd, screaming and shouting as Femi screams: “Everybody say yea yea,” and the crowd joins in in a large uproarious chorus of “Alikooooooooooo.”
Femi’s letter is more than befitting. His love and respect for this man is shared by millions. This man has almost singlehandedly pushed the next narrative. A herculean push towards the super ordinary, berthing a new awakening for 200 million people who have gone through the very fastidious terror of broken promises and wonky vision.
Mbok, make I leave am for here before I jump on the stage and push MC Femo away and start my own performance.
Well done Alhaji, well done.
Taiwo Oyedele in a World of His Own
Anytime I see this one picture, what comes to my mind is those “afamaco” in secondary schools that will be doing good boy to teacher. Those of you who went to secondary school, shebi you remember those boys that will be telling maths teacher let’s continue when the rest of the class is thinking of rushing out. He will be the one that will answer all the questions in class and carry teachers’ books and remind teacher that we suppose to do test today o.
We used to wait until lights out, sneak into the dormitory, put a pillow over their heads and give them one big slap and shout “ghosts.” The mumu will jump up believing that a ghost truly slapped him. Kai. This one lacks a sense of timing and candour. While we are still reeling with job losses, low purchasing power, the quantum leap in inflation and now a massive push on fuel prices, all increasing the poverty gap, he now came out with a proposal for the increase of VAT from 7.5% to 10%.
Mbok, but what is even wrong with these people? Is it that there is competition as to who can deal with us the most? Is there a contest between the Cardoso, Mele and this one such that when they see that Mele is leading, they will just come up with something that will tighten our noose and then be gleaming in front of the cameras?
I have never seen a motley crew with no ounce of humanity in leadership. For the last one year, no policy aimed at easing the pain. Even their cash throw puts – na them them dey get am. It’s been one cold policy after the other.
Na real animal farm we have found ourselves where all animals are equal but others are more equal. Mbok, can someone tell this one who is looking like an itinerant preacher — the type who holds bible tracts and stands inside molue and preaching — that this is not the time to be talking about any increase in VAT but the time to look at the other side and ask a small question: the one already collected how is it being spent? Kai. Tears as I write
Aya Dada Yar’Adua as a Sweet Matriarch
One thing my mother failed to achieve was to give birth to a president or even a governor. Well, she at least produced a Duke of Shomolu, and please before una laugh, that is a major consolation. Hajiya is not an ordinary woman o. She married a first republic Minister, produced a “number two man” and a presidential candidate – Musa Yar’Adua, and produced a former president and lastly a sitting senator and much more, all from one womb.
Na why Atiku and Obi forget the need to knock Shettima for head, and all “entered” one coaster bus and sat down like passengers in Oshodi-CMS bus to go and pay a befitting tribute to her.
She passed at a little over 100, thereby outliving some of her most illustrious sons. It is no wonder that Nigeria went on its knees in full admiration and honour for such a wonderful mother. She must have instilled in her children very clear virtues of service, passion for country, integrity and love for your neighbours. Hence, their service to the nation and humanity.
What are our mothers instilling in our children? This is the question this matriarch’s life must force us to answer.
Adieu mummy, I wish I had you on my podcast. Sleep well, mother of the nation.
Adams Oshiomhole: A Traumatic Childhood?
With due respect to the Senator and former Governor, I would want to say very respectfully that he may be suffering from some childhood trauma as the only explanation to that hubris we saw the other day.
Mocking a woman for not having a child is all shades of wrong. It shows a huge lack of respect for womanhood, for humanity and a listless wickedness that only a traumatic childhood could have thrown up.
Just because Betsy had queried his candidate on his marital status, he lost it and went for blood, and in the process, ended up running back naked with his tiny bum exposed for all to see.
Religiously, culturally and traditionally you don’t even mention it. You guide, show love and kindness to a woman not with child or in search of child. No culture in this country sanctions a mockery of a woman with no child. So throwing that into the already murky waters of deranged politics just shows your state of mind.
At his age, he is an elder and should know better. This for me may turn this election finally away from his barely literate candidate. That was just too much. It was rough, edgy and painfully tactless.
Betsy is a modern day Emotan and Adams will not know this. Emotan was the one who saved the Bini monarchy from the throes and wickedness of a usurper king. She was childless but loved children to pieces. Bini women dropped their children with her while they went to the market and she took very good care of them, setting up the very first daycare centre in modern history.
Adams will not know that it was her servant Edo who gave his life to protect the Oba, that the people of Benin are now known as Edo people, and from there the state in which he governed got its name. I doubt he will know that as nothing shows he is a student of history coming from his low status as a “small time tailor” somewhere.
Mbok, leave our Betsy alone o. She is elegant and sweet. Our mother and a mother of all of our children, including my daughter who is also Edo, and by extension Betsy’s daughter. Crap.
Demola Adeleke: Our Governor Has
Gone Mad Again
This is my favourite politician. In rain and shine, he is happy. In sadness and joy, he is dancing. He is throwing love, joy and fun around him. Nothing saddens him, he is always jolly and excitingly happy.
At events, he breaks into spirited singing and dancing. He is pure and not pretentious; he moves as it touches him. For him, it is not what people will think. Does he care? Does he stop to ask what people will say? No ooo! Once the music comes, he jumps up, holds his head, swirls around and pushes his big tummy in your face and with the biggest smile you will see on earth. This is why I love him to pieces. He radiates joy and especially at these times when things are rough, love is all we can share cheaply and love is what I think Governor Adeleke epitomises.
This is why I am doing a tribute to him this December in my play ‘Our Duke has Gone Mad Again’ because this governor has gone mad again.
Did you see that clip of him in the church and in his white garment complete with sepulchre? From the way he gyrated, you will think the spirit had captured his soul.
He has redefined just what a public official should be, away from the stuck-up frowning visage of a puppeteering leader to a sunny populist epitome of unadulterated joy. I just love this man. Kai.
For Bimbo Ashiru, It’s a Pass Mark
The report card of his stewardship at the growing Odua Investments Group has just come out. Agusto, the massively influential ratings company has just upgraded Odua’s ratings from an enviable A to A+. Now let me explain for those of you who do not understand these things.
A rating determines how counterparties like prospective investors, creditors, tax authorities and other such stakeholders see the entity. A strong rating shows that the firm is stable and is strong enough to attract investments and credit. A poor rating tells the market to tread with caution or just stay clear depending on how poor the rating is.
So, this promotion to A+ shows that Odua is strong and could now more than ever before attract strong investments, and that it is also very credit worthy.
Odua under Otunba Ashiru has diversified, leaving its traditional areas and forging along with the dynamism of an evolving modern market. Otunba has brought to the table an award-winning career in business, commerce and banking to bear on Odua and the results are astounding. This is why in some circles, it has been whispered that he should be immediately drafted into this government as part of a “resuscitating” team.
Anyways, let me say well done to Otunba and to his team at Odua for sustaining this great legacy.
Duke of Shomolu and the Virtual Beehive
So, 1.5million people went to the clip of my interview with the delectable actress Kehinde Bankole. My people, I have heard and witnessed the mercilessness of a virtual mob but never believed it could happen to me. One person who calls himself “jobless one” picked just two minutes of the 45-minute interview and threw it on X (formerly Twitter). Sadly, the clip was at the point where I was interrogating the actress on nudity on screen, and she intelligently tried to wiggle out, and me knowing that I had her in a corner, put in the screw.
Now the podcast has been designed to be scary and shocking with sarcasm and humour being the main vehicles for delivery, but do these coconut headed N100 data wielding warriors know this?
Mbok, the abuse was massive. No name they didn’t call me o. They lost the essence of the interview or its import and came at me with abuse and verbal assault that was unimaginable. Idiot, “alakori”, and pervert were some of the even mentionable ones that I can state here.
They abused me o to the point that my poor daughter in Canada reached out and begged me to stop the podcast as she was being traumatised. Her friends were sending the messages to her as they were calling me cringey and perverted.
I laughed and explained to her that this was a war between the rational minority who avoid the virtual dung that is social media and the irrational majority who throng those paces and cannot connect with anything above five minutes or more than 13 words.
See, me I fear nobody, talk less of people who hide under the curtains of a virtual cesspool to throw hurtful daggers at people, knowing fully well that there might be no consequences, or if you thought there would be consequences would you come at me calling me a sex fiend or pervert and a bastard, and that all my children should die, and that I will die a crazy death all because I asked an actress if she could act in the nude, a question she had the right to answer or not to answer?
I am waiting to catch just one. Just one and by the time I finish with him ehn, he will see his mother and call her Oshiomhole. Shebi I have challenged their leader who feigns to be an intellectual to a debate on any topic of his choice and if he defeats me, I give a widow of his choice N500,000. Na radio silence I see o. Crap!
As AIG JB Abang Bows Out
Let me quickly send out a shout out to one of Nigeria’s most courageous policemen who recently just retired. JB Abang has served the Nigerian Police Force in so many strategic and sensitive positions like Commissioner of Police in states like Anambra and Akwa Ibom. He was also Commissioner R&D at Force Headquarters and also Commandant Police Mobile Force Training College in Borno State.
In a career that attracted international acclaim, Chief JB as he is popularly called, carried himself very professionally and also in an elegant fashion and this is why I decided to send out a beautiful shout out to him this morning.
Bro, let’s do afang any of these days. I need to hear a lot of stories about single female police officers. Any chance?
